All You Need Is Love (CL Fic)
by AliceSloane13
Summary: "So, uh, here's the thing. I'm gonna get clean." Finally, Nicky and Red sit down and have a talk about everything that's happened. [This is a Crossing Lines fic.]
1. Lost But Not Forgotten

A/N: Okay, so there's a couple things we need to talk about. First, I'm posting things faster than I'm starting new things! This is huge guys. It could happen to do with the fact that I'm supposed to be doing other things… responsible things.

Second on the list is that if you're reading this than that means you're a member of our very small community here and you're most likely going to recognize the first chunk of this. I borrowed from _Put Your Arms Around Me_ , Chapter 4 - _You're Not Alone Hug_.

Lastly, there is a second part to this story that I'm not, as of yet, posting. Please read the author's notes at the end for more information on that. As always, thanks for reading!

XOXOXO

 _Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. Mother Teresa_

"So, uh, here's the thing. I'm gonna get clean." Nicky could barely look at her as she spoke, but she forced herself to bring her eyes up and meet Red's. She wanted to feel more than just guilt and shame.

Nicky remembered the cold-dead look in Marka's eyes every time she said it would be the last time-that she was finished with drugs. Marka had always looked at her with such a blank expression from as far back as Nicky could remember. It wasn't just the drugs, but her entire existence that Marka looked down on.

Now, she longed to see that look on Red's face. Something hard and cold and unforgiving. The Russian prided herself on being able to put up such an impenetrable front and a steely gaze. That's what Nicky was hoping to find when she looked at Red. She craved it.

She had fucked up-again. She had hurt people. Nicky needed to feel that anger and scorn. She wanted to feel punished. She needed something to abdicate her guilt so that she could move forward from this moment. She didn't need forgiveness, she just needed something to launch (or propel) her into the next phase. She needed to hurt.

Red saw none of the swirl of thoughts running through Nicky's mind. In those wide brown eyes all Red saw was the fear of a child who was lost-who was struggling to do the best they could despite their fear. Nicky knew better, but the little girl she saw in front of her, wasn't the same woman she knew on a daily basis. This was years of neglect bottled up and left to fester over time in unhealthy and destructive ways.

"Okay," Red said, as she stepped closer. There was no judgement in her tone nor any rallying cry to arms. There was just Red and Nicky. She hoped it would be enough. She had no desire to be Nicky's cheerleader or her judge & jury. She just wanted to be her mother and let her find refuge.

Nicky stared at her in disbelief. She was met with nothing but worry and concern. Red's hands slipped around her own and Nicky's brow furrowed in disbelief. "No," she whispered, but Red was tugging her deeper into the office.

It was late, everyone already in the dorms most likely. Regardless, her office had always felt private in a way-even with the metal gate that anyone could see through. With her office light being the only one left on she knew that they would have some time alone.

Despite shaking her head no, Nicky felt her body moving forward. She didn't understand why Red wasn't ignoring her in deafening disappointment-why she was pulling her into the sanctuary of her space instead of pushing her away.

"Yes," Red whispered firmly. As she sat down in her chair, she pulled Nicky down with her onto her lap. She slipped one arm around her back, steadying her and the other cradled Nicky's head in her hand as she pulled her down against her shoulders.

Nicky felt like clay in an artist's hands. Maybe in Red's case dough was a better image. She was pressed and plied and knead into whatever form the older woman wished. That was the only explanation she had for how she ended up sitting sideways on Red's lap like a child.

She stayed still against Red, afraid that if she moved or spoke all of this would disappear. Even her breaths had become short puffs of air that barely moved her chest. She felt Red brushing her hand against the side of her head and down it's length and closed her eyes, emotions torn between fear and relief.

Red kept moving her hand through Nicky's hair, hoping to bring her some sense of calm. She continued the pattern until slowly the tension started to melt away from Nicky's body. She felt the younger woman go heavy against her in submission, finally accepting the affection.

Grabbing Nicky's hand, Red brought it up to her lips and kissed the back of it. "I don't want to lose you," she admitted, hugging Nicky's hand to her heart. It wasn't often that Red let herself show fear, but it had creeped its way into every word she spoke.

Nicky didn't know how she felt any longer, and she didn't know how she felt about Red's words. A broken sob slipped from her lips and she buried her face against Red's neck. Pained tears rained down on the warm skin beneath and Nicky struggled to breath.

Needing to hold her closer, Red tightened the arm around her back and reached up with the other to rest against Nicky's face, brushing tears away as they fell. She rocked from side to side trying to lull Nicky back into a state of calmness. "I spoke to Luschek," Red admitted, not quite sure how Nicky would react to that revelation.

"What? Why?" the younger woman asked, sitting up with a confused look. She wiped the back of her hands against her cheeks trying to get a grip on herself. When Red looked away from her and sighed, Nicky's stomach twisted in her stomach. What the hell had he said?

Red grabbed Nicky's hand in her own and interlocked their fingers, still not looking at her. "After you told me what he did-how he… helped bring you back, I wanted to thank him," she said seriously.

Shaking her head, Nicky's brow furrowed as her confusion only increased. "You hate Luschek and you're too prideful to throw out thank you-s, 'specially not to Luschek." she said. "What did he tell you?" Nicky asked, sounding scared even to her own ears. Just because he'd help bring her back didn't mean that he hadn't had a hand in starting her hell on earth.

Red cupped the side of Nicky's face. "He told me that I should go easy on you-that he went to go see you a few weeks ago and that you were still clean. He said that you were stronger than I gave you credit for."

Hearing the guilt in Red's tone, Nicky shook her head and tried to cut her off. "Ma-"

"No Nicky," Red said firmly. "He was right." She covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head, still having trouble processing the bigger picture. "Clean- all that time? Why didn't you tell me?"

Red thought back to the betrayal she had seen in Nicky's eyes when she had made her go talk to Trisha. It was no wonder that she wouldn't feel safe enough to tell her. Red was under no delusions of how Nicky felt about her - how scared she was of losing her. She thought that they had moved past all that mess, but maybe she hadn't made the amends she thought she had. Why else wouldn't Nicky have come to her right away to defend herself?

Nicky looked down at her lap uncomfortably. "It never seemed like the right time," she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. "I came back and just … everything was different. There was all the new people and new guards. You were always so busy. We never really had a chance to sit down and talk about any of it." She swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling. "To be honest I didn't think you'd really care. You don't tolerate drugs and I did them; end of story. _I_ did them. Why would it matter how long I had stayed clean beforehand? It wouldn't change anything."

"Oh honey," Red said, her features crumbled and she pulled Nicky back down against her. She rocked Nicky in her arms, needing it more than the younger woman did. Nicky was so precious to her. Realizing how little Nicky understood her feelings, Red knew she would do anything to make her see. "Do you want to talk about it now?"

Hesitating, Nicky wasn't sure if she did or not. "I don't know. Maybe?" She clenched and unclenched her hands several times, trying to build up the courage to relive the nightmare. She wasn't ready to expose her own weaknesses for what she saw them to be.

"Let's start at the beginning then," Red said gently. "Tell me how it all happened." She kept Nicky in her embrace, as the younger woman told her about finding the drugs and what happened up until she left. Silently Red cursed herself. She knew it was Nicky's own choice, but Vee and everything she touched had always been toxic. Red was glad she was dead, secretly Red felt that because they had history everything Vee did was her fault in a sense. She felt like she brought that woman into their home. Nicky was targeted because of her.

Nicky pulled Red's hand towards her chest and hugged against it like a small child would cling to a stuffed animal. "I was so scared that day. I know I don't always show it, but I didn't know what it would be like down there. In the hall, when they were taking me away... You were all I wanted. I've never had something that felt like home, but in that moment it felt like my insides were being torn out. I knew you were it for me. I knew that if you could just hold me, it would be better. I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

"Nicky," Red cooed. She had promised herself that she would stay quiet and listen, but this needed to be addressed right away. "Why wouldn't you ever see me again stupid girl? You, my love, are my heart," she said, pulling Nicky's hand to cover the spot on her chest where her heart lie. "That won't ever change."

Nicky's lip wobbled and she blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay. "I don't know. I just thought you wouldn't forgive me or that I wouldn't survive down there. I almost didn't Ma and I don't even mean the drugs." Her breathing picked up, harsh and broken, like silent sobs.

"Tell me," Red coaxed gently. She knew that even if it was hard, Nicky needed to share this story. "Don't even think about sugar-coating it or try to play it down like it was all one big joke either. I know when you don't tell me the truth. This is your story Nicky-I want to hear it." She kissed Nicky's forehead in encouragement. "Messy details and all."

Squeezing her eyes shut, Nicky tensed it Red's arms. She let out a small sob and shook her head. "It was so lonely Ma. I was so fucking lonely," she wept, trying to get the words out. Coming to Red tonight, she hadn't planned on going into this. Nicky had bottled it up so tightly that she had almost believed she would never have to face it again. Even with Red's arms wrapped around her she wasn't sure if she could. "Staying clean was the only connection I had left to you and I didn't want to let you down. I felt like if I could just stay clean, do something right for a change, then maybe one day I'd get to come home to you."

It wasn't often that Red cried, let alone in front of someone else. Not like this. Hearing how broken Nicky sounded hurt more than she had expected-and she had expected it to hurt a lot. "I'm proud of you for staying clean and brave. It couldn't have been easy. You did good," she promised. She whispered the words as she tried to touch her forehead to Nicky's.

Nicky curled closer against her body and cried harder. She had needed this so much-needed someone to understand. "I fucked it all," she whimpered. "I was weak and selfish and I couldn't even manage to sta-"

"Shh," Red chided, not giving those thoughts any sort of an audience. "You're a good girl Nicky and I know how strong you are. It's okay," she said. Trying to hush Nicky's sobs she murmured reassurances. "You were in an impossible situation and you survived. That's what matters. You survived and now you're home. We build from that."

Shaking her head, Nicky didn't know how to feel what Red was asking her to. She wasn't ready to feel safe even though she longed for it. "It was so lonely. I didn't have anyone and I had to keep it all hidden, because I needed to stay safe. It's not like it is up here Ma. Everywhere I turned I had to be careful. I was afraid and lonely and it was driving me crazy."

Not wanting to interrupt and truly not knowing what to say, Red just rocked them and listened. Luschek had told her all the details of his visit. She had wanted to slap him, but the guilt she had seen in his eyes proved punishment enough. He would have to deal with his own demons-she hoped they haunted him for a very long time.

"I just I wanted to be held. I wanted to rest and know that I was safe. Ma, every night… it was the only time I could cry. Do you know what it's like to go weeks without being touched? I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone. I didn't even feel like I was real anymore. Anything, a pat on the back, or that thing you do with my chin. I wanted someone to hold my hand, someone to hold me like you do. Fuck, to be honest, I would have settled for a high five."

Red understood that it would be hell for Nicky. She herself wasn't someone who needed tactile affection as much as some people, but she could empathize. Nicky needed physical, tethers to people. She'd spent over twenty years of her life without very little physical comfort. Now that she had people who cared about her-people who gave her that connection, Nicky was lost without it.

"Coming back was even worse. You were all here, but nothing was the same. All your lives had gone on and you were busy with everything you'd been through. My life just stopped and when I came back… no one needed me anymore. I was alone-just a ghost." Her chin quivered and she wrapped an arm around Red's back, clawing at her with need to be closer. "I just needed to feel something… anything."

Cupping the back of Nicky's head, she steadied her as tears soaked her shoulder. She hadn't realized any of that was happening. Nicky hid it so well-or maybe she just hadn't seen it. "You matter too much to me for me to ever let you go Nicky. You're back home now and very much needed. I missed you, losing you broke my heart." She moved her free hand to Nicky's stomach and rubbed gentle circles, hoping to calm her. Red could feel Nicky's chest heaving in an attempt to get air into her lungs and make the pain go away. She didn't know what else to do except let her cry it out.

Nicky cried for some time before the harsh gasps turned into weak whimpers. She was exhausted. She was worn down to a fog of simultaneous comfort and emptiness. It was better, but not enough. Maybe it would ease with time, but she still felt empty and alone. "I need more," she whimpered, not even sure what she was asking for.

Uncertain of how to help, Red brought her hand up to the back of Nicky's neck and drew her forward until she could kiss her forehead once more. "Okay Nicky," she said. "Okay." She dropped her hand to Nicky's thigh and readjusted them a bit. Her legs were going to sleep, but she wasn't ready to move. "We're going to stay right here and I'm going to love on you until everything is okay again."

Nuzzling against Red's neck, Nicky didn't even try to stop her tears. She was too tired and now that her emotions had exploded there was no use trying to reign them back in. Red's hand rubbed against her thigh, trying to offer what comfort she could. Nicky closed her eyes and just tried to relax. Comfort-that's what Red was offering and Nicky needed every bit she could get.

XOXOXO

A/N: And that's the end of part 1 folks! Okay, so, as mentioned above-there is a part 2. It's just not going to be for everyone. Please please PLEASE take me serious on this. Things happen between them that maybe push the boundaries of being close a bit too far. Touch can be cathartic though and when emotions are this strong sometimes things just happen.

I've tried to handle it tactfully and I hope it comes across that way, but by no means should you read it if you think it's going to be too weird. Not in a million years would I ship Red and Nicky as a couple-that's not what it's about, but something does happen.

If you choose to read it, I hope that it doesn't scare you off from my stories forever. This probably won't be revisited. If you read it and like it, then please let me know what you think. As you can imagine I'm a bit insecure about it.


	2. All You Need Is Love

A/N: Well, if you're here then I gotta say I'm pretty happy about it. I want to give you a fair warning though, but I don't want it to sound crass. Something sexual happens in this chapter, but it's not about sex or romance. There's nothing skin-to-skin and they don't kiss. That's about all I can say without explaining the entire chapter. If you think it might make you uncomfortable, by all means feel free to skip it.

This has a ton of typos and repitions. I've been up all night and rewritten it 3 times. I'll go back over it once I sleep.

XOXOXO

 _Nothing is so healing as the human touch. ~ Bobby Fischer_

"Honey, I wish I knew how to take all the pain away." Red felt helpless and that was the last thing Nicky needed. Using one hand, she played with her hair. Red moved her other hand back to Nicky's stomach. She felt the girl's muscles flinch beneath her fingers-obviously tickled by the sensation-and she smiled. But the ragged breath she felt against her neck felt different and she repeated the gesture out of curiosity.

The muscle's around her stomach tightened with Red's touch. Her stomach had been in knots for some time and she tried to relax into the attention Red was offering. Nicky buried her face and tried to calm herself back down. She felt warm and drowsy. It was surreal, and she didn't even feel like she was in control of her own body any longer. She was just a bundle of loneliness being truly comforted for the first time in months.

Running the back of her knuckles against Nicky's stomach tenderly, she felt the younger woman arch her whole body against her. She wasn't certain, but she thought she heard Nicky whimper. The girl's hand came up to grasp onto the top of her shirt. It was a gesture Red was well familiar with. She'd always viewed it as Nicky being afraid that she would leave. Nicky held onto her out of fear.

Bringing up her hand to cover Nicky's, Red squeezed her hand reassuringly. She reached up and brushed her hand against Nicky's face only to find it stained with trails of tears. Red wiped at the moisture on Nicky's skin, but she couldn't keep up with how fast the tears fell. Nicky turned gently in her grasp and she felt the younger woman's lips graze her palm. "Sweet girl," she murmured.

Red moved her hand back to Nicky's stomach, finding that to be the gesture that Nicky most responded to. She started to rub once more, and after a few moments she felt Nicky begin to relax again.

After some time Red moved her hand down along Nicky's legs squeezing the muscles of her thighs. She was rewarded with a hum of approval. Red's own muscles were so sore that she wished she was the one getting the impromptu massage. "You want to go to bed?" she asked.

"No," Nicky said quickly. "Please, just a little longer," she pleaded. She wasn't ready to give up this comfort. She bit her lip, trying to think of how to explain to Red what she was feeling. Sitting like this, in her care, was calming-no, it was healing things she didn't even know could be fixed. There were no words to put that into.

"Okay honey," Red murmured. She continued to squeeze at Nicky's legs mindlessly. "I won't let you go until you're ready." She pulled Nicky impossibly closer, feeling the younger woman's shoulders begin to shake. Her heart ached for her girl and she cursed this wretched world for being so cruel to her. All her life she had been just searching for someone to love her.

Red didn't think about what she was doing. _I wanted to be held_. She just wanted to alleviate the pain. _I wanted to feel safe_. Red ran her hand up and down the inside of Nicky's thigh closest to her. _Do you know what it's like to go weeks without being touched_? Soft and steady strokes that were spurred on by a desire to heal. _I just needed to feel something_.

Feeling Red's hand move higher Nicky curled tighter. Her cries had bleed into sobs again, broken harsh noises that shouldn't exist. She sunk closer into Red's warmth seeking comfort, anything to make the pain go away. She just wanted to feel something that didn't hurt.

Nicky didn't know what was happening. She felt her own breath hitch as she waited in expectation. Her nerves were on edge and she wasn't even sure what she wanted to happen next. Opening her eyes, she looked down to where Red's hand was and watched.

Red moved it up and down slowly, strokes getting longer and longer. Working her way up Nicky's thigh. She scratched her nails gently along the material of Nickys pants, causing goosebumps to flare across the younger woman's skin. She felt Nicky shiver and repeated the gesture playfully.

Nicky held her breath, as Red's hand swept closer. Finally, much to her relief they brushed against her center. It had looked like an accident, but felt more like testing the waters. Is that what she wanted? Something had been building, she could feel herself needing more. "Red?" Nicky asked, confusion lacing her voice.

"Shh honey," Red hushed, gently. "Just relax. You're safe now." She tilted her head against Nicky's and tried to stop the questions echoing through her mind. Nicky wasn't freaking out and neither was she.

Maybe they both should have been. She didn't know what was happening anymore than Nicky did. It just felt like the right thing to do, like something was guiding them along this path. Her mind battled against her instincts, but Nicky nodded and Red understood that she wasn't stopping her.

The younger woman lay her head back down and tried to catch her breath. Red's words rang true and she allowed herself to give into them. She was safe here. Shoving all worrisome thoughts from her mind. She focused on the way Red's fingers worked their way back against her center. She hadn't meant to whimper at the touch, but she hadn't been able to keep it inside. Part of her-maybe all of her-wanted this. No. Not wanted. Needed.

Red rocked them gently from side to side, as her fingers rubbed firmly against Nicky. She felt Nicky lean into her embrace and took that as a sign to continue. It was a situation she never would have seen herself in-still couldn't see herself in. Here they were though. She pushed all thoughts aside and turned her focus back to Nicky.

Sucking in her bottom lip, Nicky closed her eyes and inhaled against Red's skin. She smelled like home. Without thinking, she rocked against the pressure that Red was creating and let out a shaky breath. It was Red's noise of surprise that brought a blush to her cheeks.

She let go of Red's shirt and wrapped her arm around her neck instead. Tucking her face against the warm skin, she waited to see if Red would stop. Then the pressure resumed against her core and she relaxed. She felt a warmth of security snaking it's way up into her stomach and it felt like everything tight and nervous released. Nicky let out a shaky breath and rocked her hips slowly, finding a lazy rhythm that felt right.

Relief. It coursed through Red's veins in absolution. She moved her hand more firmly. She nuzzled at Nicky's head until she could murmured words or safety against Nicky's ear. "I've got you honey. Let me take care of you," she reassured. "It's okay."

Nodding against Red's jaw, Nicky hummed gently. She couldn't think about anything, it was all need and release. Gently fingers pressed against her in careful patterns and Nicky let herself enjoy the comfort they brought. It shouldn't have felt so good, but it did. With every ounce of please Nicky felt, the pain of going months without connecting with anyone eased just a bit.

Nicky's tears spilled once more. This time they were tears of relief-the weight of everything she'd been carrying slipping away and being replaced by comfort. It was so easy in that moment to let go and let Red resume what she'd been doing. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be taken over by the sensations.

After several minutes Red felt Nicky rolling her hips in need. Hot breaths hit Red's neck and she could hear the quiet noises of need that Nicky was making. She rubbed her fingers in circles against her, trying to giver her what she needed. Then she heard it. The one word that made her hesitate.

"Ma?" Nicky whined, voice sounding tight and strained.

A million worries and doubts flashed through Red's mind. What were they doing?

Nicky craned her neck back so that she could look up at Red with hooded eyes. She smiled shyly and saw Red's features relax. She reached down and enveloped Red's hand in her own. Red's fingers stilled, unsure of what it was that Nicky wanted.

"Please don't stop," Nicky whimpered. "I just…" she lost her voice when Red started pressing against her. Nicky nodded. "More," she explained, struggling to get the word out. Putting pressure on Red's fingers, she guided Red to press harder.

Once Red had caught on Nicky let her take back over. She drew her hand back and grasped at the front of Red's shirt again. She nuzzled against Red's neck, not sure how to convey what she was feeling. Everything felt slow and lazy and safe. She wanted to stay in that moment, but she knew her emotions were lingering waiting to strike.

Understanding that Nicky wasn't trying to stop her, Red moved her fingers a little harder, but kept them slow not wanting to rush through the moment. Nicky needed patience and care. She could feel how damp the fabric was beneath her fingers and used the slickness to manipulate the fabric in ways that created more friction.

After a few moments, Nicky was clutching at Red tighter than before. She began to tremble in her arms, and her breath came out in heavy pants, mixed with unintelligible whines of need. "Don't stop," she rasped once more. "Don't stop," she repeated.

"I won't," Red promised. She used her free hand to wipe the sweat building on Nicky's forehead. "Shh, just let me take care of you. I've got you." Red felt Nicky grab onto her wrist, but knew she wasn't bringing things to a halt.

Nicky nodded, encouraging her to continue. "Don't leave me," she pleaded, begging Red to understand how scared she was of being left alone with what was coming. Her emotions were building back up and she didn't want to face them alone.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, moving her arm back down to hug Nicky tightly against her. Her other hand still moved smoothly against Nicky, picking up the pace gradually, trying to build Nicky up and counteract the pain with comfort. "It's okay sweet girl," Red whispered, affectionately. She had felt the tears against her neck and knew that Nicky needed a little extra reassurance.. Red could tell she was close. "Feel that?" she asked, pressing harder against her she made slow circles against her. "I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

Silence passed over them. Nicky became lost in the sensations that Red was drawing out, and Red tried to watch her from the awkward angle. It shouldn't have taken her by surprise, but it did-Nicky was gorgeous. Granted every mother thought that about their children, but with Nicky it was true regardless-especially in this moment. She looked softer somehow. Pain and fear had crumbled her walls and Red could see what she always knew lie underneath. Pain had broken Nicky down, and now she rested in Red's arms innocently seeking out comfort. All Red wanted to do was keep that innocence safe from harm and make sure Nicky always felt loved.

"I'm scared," Nicky admitted. The closer she got, the more afraid she felt. Her emotions were spilling over and she didn't know what to do with them. Everything was so tangled up. Her body was confusing that fear and the pleasure she was receiving. She felt out of control.

Red, pulled her close and kissed her temple. "Shh," she murmured. "Stop overthinking this. You're okay." It hurt Red to know that Nicky was struggling so hard to accept the very thing that was making her feel better. There was no doubt in Red's mind any longer about what they were doing. Nicky was not okay and she couldn't keep carrying that weight alone. "Don't be afraid," Red urged.

Nicky nodded. As Red spoke her mind started to clear. She wasn't scared of what was happening, she was scared of how much she needed it. It wasn't even just about the growing pleasure between her legs-it was as though Red was bringing her solace to some wound inside of her. Her spirit had been broken and Red let her touches ease the damage.

She needed Red to ease her mind the same way her fingers were easing the ache of needing to be touched, held, loved. She had felt so empty in max and abandoned when she got back. All that was being pushed away though. She just needed Red to scare away the doubts and fears. "Please," Nicky whimpered. "Keep talking to me," she asked in a small voice.

Red's voice lulled her panic down and Nicky craved that. She longed for the constant reassurance that her words brought. Listening to Red's voice thick and heavy from her accent made Nicky's stomach flip and she wanted to cry at the love she heard. She needed that. She needed to know. The craving to hear Red was as intense as her need to feel her right then.

Red nodded and tried to hold her own tears back. Nicky felt younger to her then more than ever. She was hurt and scared and needed someone to make everything okay. "You're home now honey. You're home and you're safe and you're so very loved." She rubbed her fingers against Nicky in steady firm strokes.

Nicky's hips jerked out of rhythm against Red's hand and what had been quiet whimpers rapidly turned into more desperate noises. She was loved. Pleading with Red for more, she grasped at Red, trying to pull herself nearer. "Mmm… mom… mom… momm… mommy," Nicky repeated, begging her for something she couldn't put into words. Her hips moved frantically against Red's hand. It was obvious that she was close.

"I'm right here." Hearing the desperation, Red tried to alleviate any fears that Nicky might still be clinging too. She needed to know that this was okay. That it was okay for her to need. "It's okay honey. I promise it's okay." She felt Nicky move harder against her and she tightened her grasp on Red, hugging against her harder. "You're not alone." She picked up the pace, using the roll of Nicky's hips as guidance.

Red listened to Nicky, calling out for her over and over again. It wasn't something that needed to be fixed-it was something that needed to be filled. "Nicky, I've got you, just let me take care of you."

Nicky nodded, relieved to be alleviated of any responsibility. Her thighs clamped tight around Red's hand, but Red managed to keep the pace they had found. She was on the edge of falling over. Her tears won out and sobs overtook her. Emotions and feelings coursed through her body, but it wasn't enough.

"Let go Nicky. I'm right here," Red promised. "I love you little girl. You hear me? I love you."

At those final words, Nicky was pushed over the edge. She let out a final cry, louder than the others and shuddered before slumping against Red in exhaustion. She held Red's hand against her, but pushed firm enough so that Red slowed down.

Understanding, Red moved her hand very slowly, but kept the pressure. Nicky wasn't ready for her to move away yet. She cupped the back of Nicky's head and held her as she cried. Nicky's body trembled against her and she wasn't fully sure if it was from the tears or being pushed over the edge.

Red rocked Nicky from side to side, keeping her hand where Nicky held it against her. Red could still feel her thighs tighten and release with aftershocks as the waves hit her. Each one bringing a smaller gasp of release from her daughter's lips. She rocked them gently and kissed Nicky's forehead. After a few minutes she felt Nicky finally relax completely.

Doubt crept into her mind when Nicky stayed silent in her arms, nearly unresponsive. The logical side of her mind told her it was because she was worn out. All the crying and stress and physical exertion had drained her. The emotional side of her, however, needed to know that she was okay.

Red pushed Nicky up into a sitting position. "Tell me," she said desperately, cupping Nicky's face. "Was that… ? Do you… ? Are you okay?" Her voice was choked with fear. Had she only made things worse? Her intentions had been pure and selfless, only desiring to help her. Did Nicky understand that?

Nicky blushed and looked down shyly. She cupped Red's hands with her own and nodded. "Yeah ma, I think I am," she admitted. Her lip wobbled and more tears came, but she was smiling and nodding once more that she was okay. "I just needed to connect. I just needed to feel loved-really feel it. I don't know how to explain it, but you knew. You always just know."

Red drew Nicky into her arms and hugged her tight. They were okay. Nicky was okay. There was no question in either of their minds-this would never happen again. What had just occurred had not been something romantic. It hadn't even been something sexual. It had been some organic connection that had filled in what words couldn't manage.

Maybe they would never be able to put it into words, but they didn't need to. Nicky had bottled up all the loneliness, and doubt from the past few months, her regret and shame, the fear of losing Red's love, & all that had combined with her angst and pain from her childhood. She had felt worthless and broken beyond repair. Mixed together, it was a deadly combination.

It was like all those emotions and feelings had been shaken to the point of exploding, just creating more and more pressure until they slowly began to tear through her skin, trying to shatter her very being. She had come to Red with all of that destroying her and Red had found a way to help her let it go.

Red could already see the change in Nicky. She wasn't completely healed, but she was ready to be. Sometimes it's better to break the bone and let it heal fresh, she thought to herself. She had never understood that phrase more than she did in that moment. Nicky could wipe the slate clean now that she had let go of what was killing her. She could start again.

"You're not alone Nicky," Red promised, understanding from the way Nicky clung to her that this was something she had probably never received-love without conditions. Maybe she had never known what real love was at all. She didn't know everything about Nicky's past, but she knew enough to realize what precious cargo she held in her arms. "We're in this together."

Nicky rested against her-weak with exhaustion. Her whole body tingled as she came back down from what had just happened. She felt pure bliss, but her need to stay connected was still there. She grabbed at the back of Red's shoulder with dull fingertips, clasping for purchase. She needed to be closer.

Red squeezed Nicky tighter and felt Nicky soften in response. "I've got you," she promised. She smiled gently as Nicky reached for her hand. Red knew what came next and it warmed her heart. Nicky dragged her hand into her lap and played innocently with her fingertips. It was a childlike gesture and one that Nicky turned to when she needed a minute to gather her thoughts.

"What if I mess up?" Nicky asked, sputtering the question out. Sure she was home and the truth was out, she had made already received Red's forgiveness. That didn't save her from the consequences of her future. Like she had told Red in the past, drugs were chemical. They had a way of making you do things, you didn't want to do. Now that she was back under her mom's watchful eye, she was terrified of losing her trust. She had been forgiven, but would she really be the next time.

Red sat Nicky up and looked into her eyes. She stared at her for a moment or so until Nicky got her breathing under control and she was sure that Nicky was listening. "Then I still love you," Red murmured softly, "and we try again." She nodded until Nicky did the same. "Okay?"

"Okay," Nicky whispered. Her face relaxed and she breathed a sigh of relief. Too exhausted to question her further. They would work out the details later. Red loved her and she wasn't going to stop. It was more than enough. Nicky lay her head back down.

Leaning close to her, Red couldn't hide the smile on her face. She felt like she truly had her daughter back. "Welcome home," she said quietly. She was rewarded with a tight hug and a mumbled "I missed you."

"Alright, let's get you to bed before you fall asleep on me little girl," she said, nudging Nicky off her lap. She was so tired and her body was weary. She would be sore in the morning and wished that she could sleep right there and put off dealing with the pain until the morning.

Nicky rose to her feet and looked down at Red with sleepy eyes, waiting for her to follow. Her appreciation for what Red suffered through selfishly made her heart warm. She never meant to make Red suffer, but the fact that Red was willing to made her feel special. She belonged somewhere-belonged to someone.

Red chuckled and looked up at her. "You're going to have to help me up," she said, raising her hand towards Nicky. "My legs are asleep." Nicky looked so relieved and Red's chest fluttered with satisfaction.

Nicky instantly moved to help Red up. "Here," she said, wrapping Red's arm around her own. "Lean on me." She shook her head, annoyed at herself. "You should have said something, Ma.

Why ya always gotta be so stubborn."

Red, grasped Nicky's chin in her hand. "You needed me and I needed to be there for you. Stop trying to convince yourself that I'm okay without you. Sometimes Nicky, I need you to just let me worry about you and take care of you. Okay?" She waited until Nicky nodded. "Good. Now you can return the favor and help me to bed."

They took a few steps and Red's nails dug into Nicky's arm. "Wait," she gasped, closing her eyes tightly. They stood side by side for a moment as Red hissed in pain when the blood started flowing again. After a moment it was over and she nodded to Nicky that she was ready.

Nicky felt like she weighed a thousand pounds and Red's joints ached with each step, but together they hobbled their way to the dorm. It was quiet, everyone having already gone to bed. "Do you want me to sit with you until you sleep?" Red asked. She wanted to make sure Nicky was truly okay before she left her for the evening.

Thinking this over, Nicky chewed at her lip. Bashfully she looked up at Red with a quirky smile on her lips. "Maybe I can just come sit with you? You won't have to get back up that way." She didn't want to keep Red up, but she wasn't ready to let go just yet. Her mind hadn't fully caught up with everything that happened and she wanted to be near Red just for a little while.

"Good," Red said, nodding her head as though she were proud of her. "I wasn't ready to say goodnight yet anyways." She sent Nicky off to change and put her own nightgown on. By the time the younger woman made it back, she was already laying in bed. "Come here," she said, lifting the covers up.

"Nu-uh," Nicky said, moving towards her and putting the blanket back down. "You're already an achy mess as it is. You don't need me squishing you and making it worse." She sat down on the bed next to Red's waist where there was more room. "I'm okay."

Red reached for Nicky's hand and rubbed her thumb along the back of it. "You're okay," she mocked. "Nicky, you're exhausted and when you're tired you don't hide things very well. I can see it all over your face, come here." She opened her arms to Nicky and watched as Nicky chewed on the idea.

Rolling her eyes, Nicky pulled the covers back. She didn't lay down though. She pulled one leg up for balance and leaned down against Red's chest. It wasn't as comfortable as laying down with her, but it was comfortable enough.

Pulling the covers up and around Nicky, her feet become exposed to the cold night air. Their ratty blankets were barely long enough to cover them to begin with. They weren't made to be shared. She didn't mind though. Nicky kept her warm enough. "Better?" Red asked, feeling the girl's relief as she lay heavy against her.

"Yeah," Nicky admitted. She hated when she had to admit Red was right. "Don't let me hurt you this time," she urged. She felt Red squeeze her reassuringly and nodded. Red's fingers were playing gently in her hair and Nicky could feel herself edging towards the cusp of sleep. "Hey ma?" she asked in a timid voice.

"Hmm?" Red responded. She'd become lost in the moment, feeling drowsy and basking in the tender moment. She tilted her head to the side so that she could look at Nicky. "What is it honey?"

Gnawing at her lip Nicky tried to formulate the question. "Do we need to talk about it?" she wasn't sure. Everything had just happened, she didn't know how to explain it or if there was even any point in trying to understand.

Red furrowed her brow in thought. What could they possibly say? "It doesn't change anything, stop worrying. Do you need to talk about it?" Red asked, after careful deliberation.

Nicky shook her head. "I don't think so."

Smiling down at Nicky warmly, Red nodded. "We're all good then sweetheart." She closed her eyes and started to relax once more.

"I just wanted to make sure we were okay." She hugged Red, glad that she had said something. She didn't want to talk, but she wanted to know things weren't going to change.

A sharp whack hit her on the back of the head and she rubbed at the spore spot with a pout on her lips. "Ow! What was that for?" Nicky asked, face full of shock and confusion.

"For worrying about stupid things. Why wouldn't we be okay? You're are difficult child and I love you all the same for it," she teased, chucking Nicky's chin. "You're stuck with me kid. Now put your head down and let me hold you."

"Ma," Nicky whined when she felt Red drop sloppy kisses to her forehead. She wiped them off with childlike disgust. "Staaahp," she laughed when Red hugged her closer and started to tickle her."

Piper grumbled in her sleep and they froze. Once they were certain that she was still asleep, they settled down and just layed there. After some time, Red felt Nicky grow heavy against her. She leaned down and kissed Nicky on the forehead. "Your neck is going to be all crooked if I let you fall asleep in here there. Do you think you can sleep now? Are you okay?"

Sitting up, Nicky nodded. "I'm okay," she promised, wiping at her eyes. Leaning down she kissed Red on the cheek. "Thank you… for everything. I love you."

"Love you too," Red promised. She kissed the back of Nicky's hand and squeezed it affectionately. "Sweet dreams honey."

She watched Nicky until she was out of sight. Closing her eyes she found it easier to sleep than she had in months. Her girl was home and on the mend. Things were good. They would keep Nicky clean and get back on track.

Nicky's head barely hit the pillow before she was asleep. She felt calm and safe and secure. Sleep welcomed her and her eyes closed in exhaustion. She was home.

XOXOXO

A/N: If you're still here please please please please tell me what you think?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Bet your surprised to see more of this one! (I'm not talking to you Jo). Anyways, no funny business in this chapter. So no need to cover your eyes ; )

XOXOXO

It had been two days since she and Red had... talked. Two days since she started clean. The detox symptoms were awful enough on their own, but the thoughts in her head were just as torturous.

Red had been doing her best to help, but there was friction between them that hadn't been there before. Nicky wasn't sure how to act anymore. She pushed at Red trying to pick fights. For the most part, Red was too wise to buy into it, and she would calm Nicky's fears with sweet words and help her through the sickness. Other times she seemed relieved to be free to go.

Pain didn't begin to touch on how that made her feel. In confidence, Red had told her about Alex. She knew that what was going on was serious and that she shouldn't be petty, but she was. Nicky was in pain. That should have mattered-should have mattered to Red. She didn't want to be alone.

Red didn't even like Alex that much. The child in Nicky's mind howled. She was her mom, and this should have been important. Despite all the hurt feelings, frustration, and resentment that Nicky felt, she never once compared it to Marka's neglect. It wasn't the same at all. Nicky knew Red loved her-knew that she was doing the best she kid. She just craved more.

Closing her eyes, Nicky rolled onto her side and drew up her knees. She tried to fight off the tears, but everything hurt. Her mind flashed to the night in Red's office. She didn't know what happened, but it had helped. At least up until her detox kicked in. The comfort was gone, suffocated by the ache in her bones and ripping pain through her muscles.

"I need to talk about it," Nicky whispered to herself. She hadn't noticed Norma entering the cube. Even the older woman's footsteps were silent. She wiped at her eyes angrily, trying to hide her tears. "Fuck," she hissed under her breath, knowing that she looked like shit.

Her words ran through her mind, and she blushed at the realization that Norma might have heard her. Norma wouldn't know what she had meant, but Nicky's cheeks filled with fire at the idea. She made eye contact and offered up a weak smile.

Nodding in response, Norma came over and squeezed her shoulder. She offered Nicky a bottle of water and, when she was sure there was nothing more she could do, she left her alone in privacy. Halfway through day 1, Norma had realized that Nicky was too prideful to handle an audience. So she had made herself scarce, only stopping by occasionally, when Red couldn't, to make sure she had everything that she needed.

XOXOXO

Walking into the greenhouse, Norma found exactly what she expected. Alex, Frieda, and Red were standing around discussing what needed to be done to keep themselves and Lolly safe. The only problem was that they weren't saying anything new. Norma had listened to them talk in circles for days. This wasn't productive, and that angered her.

Having been Nicky's bunkmate had given her some insight into the relationship that she had with Red. It seemed almost sacred to Nicky. Norma saw how Nicky had been these past few days. Instead of reaching out for Red, she was acting almost afraid of her. Most people would have only seen the anger, but Norma wasn't most people.

Nicky was angry, and despite her best efforts to push Red away, she wanted her. Red was supposed to be a mother to her, and while Norma knew that she would do anything to keep her daughter safe and secure, Red was oblivious to what was happening.

Walking up to her friend, Norma jabbed Red's shoulder with a bony finger. She scowled at her friend and just stared at her while Red asked her what she needed. She was tired of the bullshit and planned to tell Red exactly that. When Red started to speak, she held up a finger and snatched out her pad and pen.

Her hands shook as she tried to think of what to write. How to convey so many thoughts into a few lines. As she scribbled down her sentiments, she flipped through several pages. She knew exactly how this conversation would play out and planned out each response accordingly. Red was not going to slow her down with excuses.

 _This is not your daughter._

Red looked down at Norma's notebook, brows furrowed in confusion. Looking up at her friend she instantly knew what this was about. "I know that, but she needs my help."

 _Nicky_. With a raised eyebrow Norma stared her down, accepting none of Red's bullshit.

Sighing Red nodded. She looked over her shoulder at Alex and Frieda before turning back to Norma. "Listen," she said. "Nicky understands. She told me she was fine."

Shaking her head, Norma flipped the page. _She needs you._

Red put her hands on Norma's shoulders and leaned forward. "I will talk to her," she conceded. She had planned on checking on Nicky when she was done anyways.

 _Now_. Norma tapped the words in frustration.

"Soon," Red urged, wrapping an arm around her friend's shoulders and leading her towards the door.

Shrugging Red off, Norma tilted her head and shook it sadly. _You're losing her_ , the note read.

"Nonsense," Red said with a confused look. She stood up straighter, defensive walls rising high. "This morning she told me that she was okay."

 _Open your eyes._ Norma's words pleaded.

Red leaned against the doorframe and let out a heavy sigh. "I try to help, but she pushes me away. What else can I do?"

With a ruthlessness neither of them expected, Norma pulled out her pencil and wrote one word. _Marka._

It weighed volumes on Red's conscious. She grabbed Norma by the shoulders and with thick, heavy words defended herself. "I am nothing like that woman," she hissed. As quickly as the anger hit her, fear overshadowed it. "Did Nicky say something?"

Norma shrugged, truly uncertain. She wrote once more on the pad and showed it to her friend. _She said 'she needs to talk about it.'_

Red's brow scrunches in confusion, but she quickly put the pieces together. How had she been so stupid to think that the other night could be accepted so easily? Of course, Nicky needed to talk. Red had become a master at compartmentalizing things, but Nicky wasn't like that. She ran on emotions, and these new ones probably were doing a number on her mentally.

"I have to go," Red called out to the other women. Without any hesitation, she left the garden shed and sought out her girl.

XOXOXO

Red walked into the cube and felt her heart clench. Nicky was laying in bed shivering. She had on her sweats and Red's jacket, but Red knew these chills weren't truly stemmed from temperature alone. She moved to the bed and sat down next to Nicky. All she wanted was to pull her into her arms. How could she have left her alone like this?

Stroking sweaty locks of hair, off Nicky's face she mentally chided herself for being so easily pushed away. She should have fought harder. Nicky needed to be fought for. Red understood that, but she had played into Nicky's pattern of pushing away what she wanted.

Red had thought that Nicky might need space after the other night, but now she wondered if that offering had been viewed as abandonment or neglect. The idea choked off her breath and made her head ache. Her chest was heavy as all the weight of what had been going on landed directly upon it.

"Hi baby," Red says, as Nicky opened bloodshot eyes. Her girl looked weary. She stroked her thumb gently across Nicky's cheek and brow, needing to touch her. Red needed that connection, and she thought maybe Nicky did too.

Slamming her eyes shut, Nicky cursed herself for her big mouth. She had drifted into a fevered sleep after Norma had left. There was no telling how long it had been, but she was certain the older woman ratted her out. With Red here offering cool fingers against her burning flesh, Nicky didn't know how to push her back away.

Twisting her face into the pillow, Nicky tried to escape Red's penetrating gaze. The same cool hands cupped the back of her neck, and Nicky let out a very undignified moan. She began to cry into the pillow, shoulders shaking as the sobs overtook her. Red's hand felt like exactly what she needed. The strong presence of a mother offering solace in a time of need. "I don't feel good," she mumbled.

Red nodded and bit her lip. "I know you don't sweetheart. I shouldn't have left you alone all day." She rubbed soft circles on Nicky's back, hoping to bring some comfort. She wondered if Nicky was going to let her in or push her away like she had been. "Can I get you anything? Do anything?"

"I'm fine," Nicky said, pathetically. She turned her head so that she was laying flat against it once more, but she kept her eyes scrunched shut. She could hear the regret and pity in Red's tone and didn't want any of it. "Just gonna sleep," she mumbled, hoping that would deter Red from starting any conversations.

"I've let you down," Red admitted, recognizing Nicky's attempt at a dismissal. "I should have been here." Leaning down, Red kissed Nicky's head. It didn't go unnoticed that her girl flinched at the touch. "Sweet girl," Red murmured against Nicky's ear. She kissed her temple and sat back up. "What can I do?"

Understanding that Red was not going to leave her alone, she flopped onto her back and looked up at her. Nicky knew she looked defeated-it was how she felt. "There's nothing to do," she said, voicing sounding sad. "Biology's karma. Just gotta wait it out. I'll survive," she said glibly.

Red nodded. There was some truth behind Nicky's words. The fear in her girl's eyes told her to go slow and not corner her into anything too painful. Nicky had nowhere to run, and Red was her lifeline. "Can I stay with you?" Red asked, as a formality only. She wanted Nicky to say yes, but if she chose to remain stubborn and destructive Red was fully prepared to override her answer.

Looking up at her, Nicky studied Red's face. "Did Norma say anything?"

"Norma never says anything," Red teased. "But she wrote something." She cupped Nicky's cheek in her hand, smiling as it lolled against the touch. Seeing the panic in her eyes, Rud hushed down her fears. "It's okay honey," Red said, shaking her head. She moved a hand to cover Nicky's hand on her stomach. "We won't talk about it until you're ready."

Nicky nodded and released her bottom lip from the grasp of her teeth. Her eyes spilled over with tears, and all she wanted was Red's embrace. Nicky struggled to sit up. Wobbling as she tried to keep her balance, she finally fell into Red's arms. She couldn't get out words, but apparently, she didn't need them.

"Oh Nicky," Red said, sadly. "I've got you now," she promised. She started to rock gently and felt Nicky nod against her shoulders. Slowly she felt some of the tension leave Nicky. It wasn't all gone, but there was bound to be some from the detox. She hoped that it was the emotional pain that had eased up.

After several moments Nicky pulled back and leaned against the wall. She was sleepy but wanted to bask in Red's presence while she was there.

"Baby," Red cooed, bringing up a hand to brush against her cheek. "You should rest." Dropping her hand, she pulled Nicky's into her own. She rubbed her thumb against the back of it and smiled at how soft the skin was. Nicky could be so full of energy and spunk that sometimes she forgot this little girl was hovering just inside. Even without detox, she hadn't been giving her enough attention.

Looking up to meet Nicky's eyes Red felt the regret tear at her heart. Why had she been so easily swept away from Nicky over the past few days? Dropping her head, she thought back to the other night. She hadn't felt any regrets that evening-she still didn't regret it-but she did feel ill at ease about what had transpired. She couldn't shake the feeling that she hadn't done the best thing for her.

"Stop looking at me like that," Nicky said when Red's eyes found hers once more. She could see the wheels turning, and she didn't want that. She wanted Red to be stronger than doubt and concern. She needed her to.

"Like what?" Red asked, moving closer. She couldn't help but want to be near her.

Nicky let out a sad sigh. "Like I'm some sorta victim."

"You're no victim Nicky. You're mine, though. What hurts you hurts me," she said, pulling Nicky's hand against her chest.

Nicky pulled out of Red's grasp and sat up. "Obviously that's not true."

"What are you talking about?" Red asked, reaching for Nicky's hand again. She tried to tug Nicky back to her, but the girl was having none of it.

Nicky just scoffed and dropped her forehead to her knees. "Why haven't you been here? All I've been doing is hurting. Why did Norma have to go and get you? You're supposed to be my mom. You're supposed to know this stuff-supposed to be here."

Red didn't know what to say. Her motivations may have been genuine, but they'd caused more damage than good.

"But, hey, what do I know about mothers? Take a page out of Marka's book Red-don't lose any sleep over it. I'm the one that took the drugs. No one needs to clean up after me. You're off the hook. "

They sat in silence for several minutes before Nicky finally broke the tension. "I'm starting to feel sick again. You should go," she said tersely. It wasn't a suggestion.

Red reached for her hands. "Sometimes we screw up. Sometimes we make mistakes. You are not one of them. You're mine kid. I know I can't take away the pain-especially what I caused, but you don't have to do this alone. Let me stay."

"Ma," Nicky said, frustrated at Red's words. "It doesn't matter," she said, holding her head in an attempt to ward off the dizziness. "Please, just go." She felt like she was going to get sick. If she got sick before Red left, she knew she would break. Nicky wasn't ready for that.

Red shook her head. "No Nicky, I want you to listen to what I'm saying. I see now that space wasn't what you needed. I should have been here, even when you tried to push me away. I know you better than that. I should have seen it. You needed me..."

"Alex just needed you more apparently." After a beat of silence, she continued. "Look, I get it. Alex got herself into a shitload of trouble. If anyone can make that go away, it's you. We both know I did this to myself."

"There's nothing left to do for Vause for now. We've done what we could and as Norma so kindly pointed out, sitting around talking in circles was doing nobody any good. There were more important places for me to be."

Nicky shook her head, tears burning her eyes. "Not with me." The fight creeped out, and Nicky's resolve crumbled. She wanted comfort and didn't have the resolve to push it away any longer.

"Yes with you, little girl." She pulled a weak and worn out Nicky into her arms. "My place is right here. She pulled Nicky close and kissed her temple, holding it in place against her lips as she rocked Nicky in her arms."

"We're past the mistakes and the guilt. Past any judgments or anger. All the bad is behind us. We just need to get you feeling better now. Everything will be better soon," she promised with a kiss.

Pulling back to look up at Red, Nicky's bottom lip wobbled. "Lay down with me?" she asked.

Such earnest hope in those eyes and yet there was so much fear and pain in her voice. How could anyone ever deny her affection? "Alright," Red agreed, laying down and opening her arms for Nicky to crawl into.

"Please don't give up on me," Nicky asked, not quite curling up against Red.

Dragging Nicky fully into her arms, Red shook her head. "Never." Laying on her side, she tucked Nicky's head under her chin and pulled the blanket up high. "I'll never give up on you." She rubbed her hand up and down Nicky's back for some time.

Starting to drift off into sleep herself, Nicky's voice interrupted the silence. "Ma?"

"Hmm?" Red had almost drifted off as well. It had been a long few days and months since they'd been able to lay like this or spend quiet time together.

"Norma was right. I do want to talk about it," she admitted, voice coated with shame.

Red nodded. "Whenever you're ready Nicky, I'll be here."

The younger woman nodded. "Will you do something for me?" her voice quivered in anticipation.

Licking her lips, Red felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest. It was the same feeling she'd had that night when everything had blurred, and lines had been crossed. "What is it Nicky?" she asked, voice cracking.

"Sing to me?" Nicky asked innocently.

Red laughed, feeling relief spread through her. She had been certain Nicky was going to ask for something else. "I can't sing Nicky. What's the matter with you silly girl?"

"I don't care if you can sing or not. Sing to me," she urged. She wasn't sure why she wanted it so badly, but she did. She'd never had anyone take care of her when she was little, and this felt close to what that might have been like."

"Nicky…" Red pleaded, too prideful to embrace herself so easily.

"You sang to the boys didn't you?" Nicky asked. Her voice held no resentment, only desperation.

Red stayed silent. She knew she would cave, but she needed a minute to appreciate just how much she would do for Nicky. How much she truly loved the girl.

"Sing for me," Nicky asked once more.

"What do you want to hear?" Red grumbled, completely not okay with this.

Nicky shrugged. "Anything. I just want you to sing to me. Me," she repeated quietly.

Understanding that Nicky needed something of her own-some part of Red to hold onto-she considered what song she could struggle through and not break her girl's ears.

As the first notes breached her mother's lips, Nicky snuggled closer. She pushed Red onto her back so that she could put her ear on Red's chest letting the vibrations lull her into ease. She knew her reprieve from the detox wouldn't last long, but she could enjoy it while it lasted.

XOXOXO

A/N: At this point I do have some things in mind for this story (as well as others). I set up a poll on my profile about them. From here on out I'll be referring to any stories that have anything even remotely sexual between these two as "Crossing Lines". This includes putting that label in the story description as well as the a/n at the beginning. It's all very weird and to be honest I don't even ship them, but it's something interesting to play with. Even when I'm writing 'them' I usually can't even picture, so who knows where my crazy comes from. Anyways, cast your vote and let me know what you think!


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